In the Bag

We-and we don’t mean just the editorial we-were roaming around the Direct Marketing Association’s annual conference in San Francisco last month when it hit us over the head like a tote bag full of logo mugs and pens: There were almost no fun premiums.

We found only a trio of fun freebies in San Francisco. Well, five, if we-editorial we-include two that weren’t from the exhibit hall.

Direct Marketing Concepts, by now an old reliable for premiums, gave away key chains with an eight ball. This premium will make a odd pair with last year’s key chain, a rubber chicken. Better the chicken behind the eight ball than I.

The Fisher Group offered a water pistol whose barrel is shaped like a fish. The tag line on the label: “The Fisher Group…Just for the Halibut.” Another tag they like is “Salmon chanted evening.” Yes, they work for scale.

While those two premiums were a surprise to those who stumbled across them, Harte-Hanks didn’t want any of its regular clients to miss out on theirs. The clients received a mailer printed up to look like a ransom note. The note threatened, “If you ever want to see your frog again…” Tucked inside was an ersatz Polaroid of a bean-bag frog wearing a small Harte-Hanks T-shirt.

Off the floor, Deutsche Post and Global Mail Ltd., whose tag is “Together We Bring You the World,” brought the world to us in the form of a pocket atlas. It was left behind after Guy Kawasaki’s Sunday speech, which Deutsche Post sponsored.

But the winner with the DMer on the street was the DMA’s bag. Instead of the usual canvas tote, this briefcase could serve as a laptop computer bag, and had enough zippers, pockets and straps to cart one about easily and without fear the machine or its accessories would break or fall out.

We hope the bag will set a new industry standard and that there will be mandatory compliance.