After last month’s column in which I ticked off a short starter list of buzz phrases that should be eliminated, some e-mail arrived telling me I’d missed a few.
A few? Why, marketing is bursting at the seams with stupid buzz phrases that should be eliminated. Heck, we could set up a bingo game with all the mindless buzz phrases marketers toss around and have 15 prize winners within the space of a single business development meeting:
“So if we keep our look and feel consistent across all touch points…”
“Touch points? Did you say touch points? Bingo!”
So at the risk of alienating friends and colleagues, let’s visit the bad buzzwords topic briefly again.
And again, this list is by no means complete.
Touch points. I can’t believe I neglected this word last month. It is without a doubt the creepiest buzzword in the history of marketing. There are very few professions in which customers want you touching them. Basically, unless you’re in a profession that requires you to be licensed in The Netherlands and Germany, don’t touch your customers. And don’t use the buzzword “touch points.”
At the end of the day. This is a mindless phrase meaning “bottom line.” And just like “bottom line,” it’s overused and trite. Usually when someone says we wanted something at the end of the day, we wanted it at the beginning of the day and the middle of the day, as well. At least “bottom line” makes actual business sense.
Look and feel. Generally used to describe Website design, as in “keeping the look and feel consistent.” Okay, maybe I’m being a little too literal here, but Websites don’t feel like anything. They just look and sometimes they make noise, which is also annoying, but a topic for another discussion.
Relationship. Relationship? Most of us barely have a relationship with our mothers, yet marketers go around speaking as if they’re ready to invite their customers to Thanksgiving dinner. Like “touch points,” the word “relationship” is a little creepy when used in reference to marketing. It implies that customers are thinking about you. Face it. They’re not. Or if they are, it’s generally because you’ve upset them somehow. Customers want what you’re selling for a reasonable price with reasonable customer service. And then they want you to go away. If you don’t deliver, they’ll jump to the marketer who does. Some relationship.
Engagement. Has it ever occurred to the people using the word “engagement” that this may be exactly what a marketer doesn’t want? That loon in the cabin in Montana who keeps calling customer service to discuss the features of product he has yet to purchase is extremely engaged. Trouble is, he’s also costing the company money. Getting people to make the purchase quickly, walk away happy, and come back quickly to make another quick—and hopefully upsold—purchase should be the goal.
Share of mind/wallet. Marketing isn’t about sharing. Any discussion using the “share of wallet” or “share of mind” are a complete waste of everyone’s time. Neither can be measured in any meaningful way. Marketing is all about inertia: overcoming the inertia that prevents people from buying from you, and then making sure no one else overcomes the inertia that keeps them buying from you. There is no “sharing” in marketing, only selling.
So please, if you use these words and phrases, stop. For the love of all that is keeping your colleagues in other departments from cornering you and beating you into a bloody pile of Calvin Klein business wear, just stop.
Ken Magill is editor at large for two sister publications of CHIEF MARKETER: Direct and Multichannel Merchant. He’s also the mastermind of Magilla Marketing, a weekly e-newsletter covering all things e-mail. Not content to limit his spleen to e-mail and direct marketing topics, Ken will also be directing his anger toward general marketing topics for CHIEF MARKETER on a monthly basis.
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