Loose Cannon: Notes from Inside the Asylum

Here in my padded cell I wonder: If a tree falls in the forest, but a Google search doesn’t mention it on the first page of results, did it really happen?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: What is the simplest organism, from a taxonomic perspective, to ever receive a credit card solicitation in the mail?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Given that a common 1960s ad agency nickname for clients was “pigs with checkbooks,” what did companies that print and sell personalized checks call their customers?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: If The Powers That Be can put fluoride in drinking water, why can’t they put vitamin C in envelope glue?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Are direct marketing industry lobbyists meeting Congressional aides in smoke-filled rooms and touting gasoline taxes in an effort to make consumers stay home and shop?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Do direct marketing lobbyists prefer teleconferencing with Congressional aides because they are less likely to be asked for cash-filled envelopes?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Do Congressional aides give Green Stamps in exchange for cash-filled envelopes?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Will the new “fixed-rate” first class stamps be embraced by marketers looking to control their envelopes-with-live-postage costs? And if so, will Blue Cross/Blue Shield cover all the cases of “glue breath” that workers will contract from licking those stamps?

Here in my padded cell I wonder: Given the public relations hay phone company Qwest is making for its refusal to surrender its records to The Powers That Be